April showers bring May flowers. It happens every year. My lilac bushes are full of blossoms which I hope will be blooms in early May. I LOVE lilacs and their fragrance – such a happy and joyful thing to have a jar of lilacs here, there and everywhere in the house.
Lily-of-the-valley shoots have emerged in the bed just outside the sunroom door. Another favorite of mine for both their delicate intricacy, beautiful fragrance and a transporting back to when I was a little girl, arriving at my grandparent’s house in Spring. The walk to the back door was bordered by an overflowing Lily-of-the-valley bed. In my mind’s eye I can see and smell and feel the excitement as I ran to be engulfed in my grandmother Ruthie’s warm, welcoming hug.
April showers bring May flowers.
Last April 18, on Karl’s and my last morning together on this earthly plane, the April showers were snow showers. (That still works for the May flowers… :)! ) It was a morning that is exquisite in my memory. There was as much incredible beauty and love as there was sorrow. And most of the sorrow came later with the realization of the finality of loss. The sharing of our last moments was filled with the joy of remembering as well as the understanding that it was Karl’s time and that he needed to be relieved of earthly pain.
As the anniversary of that last day approached, I just wanted the time to go and to get past THAT date. I focused on loving Bear and Bob, work, chores, cooking – all the things I love. But that darned date. I kept looking at it on the calendar and just wanting it gone and past.
Last weekend, I decided that I just wanted to be sad. I gave myself permission to be sad, to look at some old posts and just cry for the loss of one I love so much. And I set aside some time on THE date to just sit and be still and let that time be whatever it would be.
For me, giving up the “just get past it”, allowing myself to feel the sadness…it changed everything. Yes, there were some tears, but they were good and freeing and light in spirit. Wonderful, fun and funny memories of Karl and Gus, Karl, Gus and Bob, Karl and Bob, Karl and me – bubbled up. It was a peaceful, joy-filled day of honest feelings and memory – all shared with Bob and Bear. It was a day that I didn’t want to end because it was so special.
Nothing changed except my perspective: how I looked at the day. It was a decision as a change of perspective often is. It inspired me to change my perspective on a few other things. Ultimately, since the weekend, when I made the decision(s) – it has felt like a kind of fresh start.
Everything feels full of possibility and I feel light and full of Joy.
April showers bring May flowers…always :) !
